Christmas. ‘Tis a time to be jolly, hang holly, but most importantly…celebrate folly, what with all the random behaviour that suddenly becomes the height of normality in amongst all the frantic, frazzled, frenzy that is: Preperation.
To begin with, everywhere starts to crawl with Santa’s; tall ones, short ones, believable ones, ones with beards apparently sprouting from beneath their chins, or above their noses…even reclining, grumpy ones, watching the cricket in the basement of Harris Scarfe…is it not a bit confusing for small, small children?
Also, a mystifying (and somewhat mildly terrifying) phenomenon begins to occur more and more frequently…
Wild Shoes begin to appear at random along otherwise normally wholesome, shoe-free streets. (I’m not making this up – in the last three days, two, single shoes have appeared along Colley Terrace. One, a wedge, and the other a boot…a male and a female…Shock! Scandal!) By nature, The Shoe is a sociable and yet monogamous creature – it’s with its sole mate from creation, and generally they remain paired for life. So what is it about December that makes some shoes break away from the conditioning of generations, leave their partners behind, and their owners hopping mad (in the most literal sense) and act upon a most unseemly desire to hang out in the gutter…all alone?!?
…or are they?
It’s a Christmas tragedy.
However, alas, the festive season strangeness does not end here. People too, experience a shift in behaviour, and decide that language is a thing for all other times of the year, and begin to communicate through grunts – or silence.
Setting: Shoe store
Scene: Man is craning in a desperate, yet attempted subtle manner at the shoe rack that I’m standing directly in front of.
Me: [knocks over shoe while putting one back] “Whoops”
Man: “Ngh.” [craning continues]
*long, drawn out, crane-filled pause*
Me: [finally]“Do you want to swap places?”
Man: …
*pause* [continues to crane]
I think this language breakdown in the lead up to Christmas is due to the “Law of Conservation of Communication,” which hypothesises there can be only so much communication and sound transfer happening at any one time in the world. December rolls around, and with it comes carollers, cajoling us all with their confusing tales of “These Three Kings” (who for years I thought were from a place called ‘Orientarr’) and extremely alliterative Hark-Happy Heralds. The point being, what with all this extra vocabulary being bandied about, it reduces the amount of words the rest of us are able to use (because, like energy, obviously there is a set amount of speaking and noise-making in the world, which can neither be created nor destroyed)
Hmm…it’s a strange time. But, nonetheless:
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! (for Monday)
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 08, 2006
Tyrannosaurus Rex
What does one do with oneself once the hurdle-esque hurdle of exams is leaped and bounded over?
Well, for total hardcores like me, the first thing is to very aggressively and teenager-ly stack your schoolbooks in neat piles in the guest bedroom!
From there just came delinquent activity after delinquent activity (cast of extras bursts into a rousing chorus from “Gee Officer Krupke”) Schoolies was a flurry of junk food, jump street, random spinning around in circles and…singing High School Musical?
There's also really good grasstastic fun to be had :p ("Well they are blades")
But anyways, with school being over (well almost), what better way to nostalgic up your life than with a bit of quality room cleanage? Within minutes I had re-located my Favourite Fantastic Fun-Time Yo-Yo, where fun ensued. Opening my cupboard and peering right up the back, something tall, shiny and clompy was found to be lurking…with fear in my heart, and horrifyingly clear realisation in my mind, the worst was confirmed. Platform Shoes. Several inches high. And I used to wear them out!!!
…they still fit too.
Happy minutes were spent in serious contemplation about whether or not to put up an old Spice Girls poster, before realising that it might be too strange for words…so for now we’re sticking with X-Men 2.
Best of all though, was rediscovering my 6 inch stack of speech cards…where I found a Year 9 speech on the topic “The invention we most need.”
After rambling for about a minute about Holographic DVD players, Voice operated pens and teleportation devices, and how they’d all eventually break down (most spectacularly the teleportation device – ”…well, it could malfunction and you’d end up with a bunch of atoms floating into the abyss.”) it somehow made its way to how much living forever would suck, and so the invention we’d need most it something to keep us the same forever (go train of logic) …but that would suck because: “If you can’t die, you don’t need food. If you can’t get sick, you don’t need doctors. If there’s nothing left to find out, you don’t need scientists, and if you live forever, you can do everything you ever wanted to. But then what are you going to do when your life’s played out and you’re still living it?”
Well there’s one way to end on a positive note :p
Due to recent events however, my view has changed a bit – the invention we need most is something that stops toilet paper running out…because nothing says ‘tension’ like a family all accusing each other of using up all the Sorbent.
Anyways, starting to ramble a bit (though this is better than starting to Rambo a bit, otherwise I’d be Sylvester Stallone, which would be very not very normal), so I’ll end with the following moving words (yay double meaning):
Well, for total hardcores like me, the first thing is to very aggressively and teenager-ly stack your schoolbooks in neat piles in the guest bedroom!
From there just came delinquent activity after delinquent activity (cast of extras bursts into a rousing chorus from “Gee Officer Krupke”) Schoolies was a flurry of junk food, jump street, random spinning around in circles and…singing High School Musical?
There's also really good grasstastic fun to be had :p ("Well they are blades")
But anyways, with school being over (well almost), what better way to nostalgic up your life than with a bit of quality room cleanage? Within minutes I had re-located my Favourite Fantastic Fun-Time Yo-Yo, where fun ensued. Opening my cupboard and peering right up the back, something tall, shiny and clompy was found to be lurking…with fear in my heart, and horrifyingly clear realisation in my mind, the worst was confirmed. Platform Shoes. Several inches high. And I used to wear them out!!!
…they still fit too.
Happy minutes were spent in serious contemplation about whether or not to put up an old Spice Girls poster, before realising that it might be too strange for words…so for now we’re sticking with X-Men 2.
Best of all though, was rediscovering my 6 inch stack of speech cards…where I found a Year 9 speech on the topic “The invention we most need.”
After rambling for about a minute about Holographic DVD players, Voice operated pens and teleportation devices, and how they’d all eventually break down (most spectacularly the teleportation device – ”…well, it could malfunction and you’d end up with a bunch of atoms floating into the abyss.”) it somehow made its way to how much living forever would suck, and so the invention we’d need most it something to keep us the same forever (go train of logic) …but that would suck because: “If you can’t die, you don’t need food. If you can’t get sick, you don’t need doctors. If there’s nothing left to find out, you don’t need scientists, and if you live forever, you can do everything you ever wanted to. But then what are you going to do when your life’s played out and you’re still living it?”
Well there’s one way to end on a positive note :p
Due to recent events however, my view has changed a bit – the invention we need most is something that stops toilet paper running out…because nothing says ‘tension’ like a family all accusing each other of using up all the Sorbent.
Anyways, starting to ramble a bit (though this is better than starting to Rambo a bit, otherwise I’d be Sylvester Stallone, which would be very not very normal), so I’ll end with the following moving words (yay double meaning):
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